Good Morning everybody.
Ok for starters I am not sure why I update this every morning, but it seems to be what gets me out of bed in the mornings. So yesterday I was driving through town when I saw a car with a bumper sticker on it that said "Hookahs not Bazookas." Whatever pothead. When did things become "funny" just because they rhymed? And feel free to use air quotes when reading "funny". You did it didn't you. Feels good I know. Makes you feel somewhat superior. Ok calm down. I believe if you have a bumper sticker like that on your vehicle you are just begging the cops, or popos if you will, to pull you over. And if they do in fact pull you over then hey it's your own fault hippie. I mean I got pulled over the other day for a suspended tag. Now I was not doing anything that warranted running my tag but the police officer did. Notice how when he pulls me over he is a police officer? Hey I don't need nor can I afford any legal troubles right now. If that means there has to be a lot of "Yes Mr. Officer, I'm sorry sir. I will get this taken care of right away." Don't judge me. Hey we were talking about these tree huggers not me anyway.
So I decided to go to Walmart on this excursion out of the house yesterday. I think we all have a love hate relationship with Walmart. We love that it has everything, your one stop shop. We hate that everyone goes when we go. Which is always. I'm sure you have all done this. We sit around and formulate these strategies as to when Walmart won't be so busy. Well guess what? I have been there at every conceivable time and it is always busy. And things are spread out all over the place. It never fails that I wind up having to circumnavigate the store a minimum of two times to get everything I went in for just to get back to my truck and realize I forgot the main thing I went in there for. While I am typing this I realized that this may be one of their marketing strategies. Utterly confuse the customer until they leave without what they came in for in the first place. And do you know why they want this to happen? Because when you come back your are going to purchase at least one thing you had no intention of buying not just on that trip but ever. I have more stuff that was an impulse buy than I have things I really need.
So on this trip I was looking for a few things. Poster board, two clamps, a clamp on heat lamp for my dog's house, and one of those magnetic toys where you move the little metal shvings around to make hair and a beard on the guys face. Its an old school little toy. B saw one and wanted to try it and for some reason this equals "I need to buy here one" in my mind. I could not find one and it may have something to do with the description I used to the Walmart "Associate". I pretty much asked for it just like I wrote it previously and she said kinda like an etch-a-sketch. Between the two of us we were looking for one kick ass toy that does not exist.
Well as I am wondering aimlessly through the store I find myself singing out loud. I am singing the Pretenders out loud. Yes I am singing "I touch Myself" out loud. Not just the chorus either. I do not know why this song popped into my head but once it did I could not help myself. I am pretty sure that it was not because I saw something that invoked those kind of feelings in me. There are not very many times that I see a female in walmart that makes me want to do interpretive dance to the pretenders. I mean come on some of these girls show up at walmart in there pajamas, and not sexy pajamas. Apparently that is a new outfit though because there was a girl at church the other day who obviously had to go or had been to walmart and just came on to church in the same outfit. And let me tell you when your friends that you go to church with say their church is real casual you should take that to mean pajamas are ok. I wore a suit and tie. A very nice suit. And I was the only one there in a suit and or tie for that matter. Let me tell you between pajama girl and me in a suit I looked like the bigger A-hole. I used to think that you could not over dress for an occasion but I have since changed my outlook on that. But I digress. And to clear this up, I was not in the pie section when I started singing either. That would have been a good guess though.
So I got my clamps and poster board and Elvis cd and Elton John cd. You see what I mean? No heat lamp and that was because they were out but I did not go in looking for cds. At this point you are probably thinking ok he is about to get out of there without anything else to tell. And I was close until...as I am checking out the cashier looks at the Elton cd and says "Isn't he a knight or something?" Wow that is so random of a question I thought. I told her I was pretty sure he had been knighted by the Queen, which by the way was another cd I had in hand but told myself enough was enough for this trip. I would probably be back tomorrow anyway. She then proceeds to ask me what that entails, being a knight. Now I don't really know but I can make some stuff up. So I told her I think it means he gets to carry a sword. And if there ever is a dragon problem he gets a call. I think she bought it. Couple Tiny Dancers Rocket Man abilities along with his knight sword and you've got yourself a dragon slayer much scarier then a shark riding on an elephants back. That last part was not my own idea. It was actually a Deep Thought by Jack Handey. After that I got out of the store. And have since been listening to the Elton John cd which makes me a little uncomfortable because its one thing to sing in the shower but a completely different thing to also dance along.
Anyway, I have to get ready to go to work now. I realize this may come as a shock to some. Especially since just two days ago I said I was unemployed. I will get into that later if you need me to but right now I need to go get ready.
peace out
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