Simulated Tennis

So a co-worker asked if I would be interested in "joining" the tennis league at the recreation department. I thought, sure why not. I used to play a little tennis in college with friends and I consider myself to be an athlete. Now this is based on no type of actual factual data mind you. I never played any kind of sports other than football in the fifth grade, which back then I had no clue what was going on. Regardless I am a superior athlete. I said it therefore it is now true. Deal with it. So the deal is we would go on Thursday nights and play mixed doubles. Which I thought would be cool. Whats not cool about playing with women and after they all saw my athletic abilities they would all be swooning after me. But we shall get to that later. So I agreed to go out for tennis.
So in order to prepare for my coming out of retirement tennis match (I come out of retirement form a lot of different sports. I've un-retired from bodybuilding for the last four years four different times I think) I needed to visualize a plan of attack. And that's were the simulated tennis comes in. Wednesday after our sales meeting I was outside on the dealership lot with my tennis playing co-worker when an impromptu tennis match broke out. Now there were no racquet's, no tennis balls, not even a court but I was running back and forth in a shirt and tie putting my skills on display. My simulated serves looked good. My net presence was great. I could cover the court with ease. I won that match in straight sets 6-2 6-1 and 6-0. I was unstoppable. On a side not if spielberg or anyone for that matter that has a fancy dreamworks type computer setup and could cgi a court and ball and such around a video of my simulated tennis match, much like they did the ping pong in forest gump, it would be Wimbledon quality tennis. I felt good about my game.
I thought it would be appropriate that I have another match on Thursday just to visualize my plan of attack for that night. Well this did not go un-noticed by management who commented that I had already played at least 5 matches at work and that they would remember that when it came to pay day which I can only assume that they are giving me an endorsement check which is awesome because I didn't even have to ask for it. They recognize the talent and obviously want to get in on the ground floor of my upcoming ATP tour domination.
Thursday night rolls around and its time to play. Now I have spent the better part of the week telling my co-worker that I will dominate him on the court and would'nt you know it the coordinator puts us on the same team. So now I have to rethink my game plan. Our first opponents are a man and woman. Both older than us. That match is no problem 6-0. Alright on to the next team. A 82 year old man and a 64 year old man with two bad knees and an artificial hip. This was almost wrong to even do. But its athletic competition and if you aren't able to play stay of the court. This was a little more challenging not really. Match over 6-3. Now onto our last opponent. The tennis pro if you will and another woman. Its getting late and a little chilly so lets get this over quick. Done. 6-0
Now I should point out that all those match scores were in the opponents favor. We only won three games out of the entire three matches we played and that was against the two old guys. It was like we were playing badminton while everyone else was playing tennis. It was awful. I don't like the taste of humble pie and as most people know I love cakes and pies. Not that one though. So needless to say there is a lot of work that needs to be done before next week. More simulated matches will need to be played whilst at work.
And by the way the ladies that I figured would be swooning? Yeah well that didn't happen either.